The Pregnancy Diaries: The First Trimester

Hello! You’ll see I’ve taken a little leave of absence on here and not for no reason. I am pregnant! I announced this over on my instagram just before Christmas but wanted to do a full summary of my thoughts and feelings over on here once I’d gathered them. So yes, I’m pregnant, it’s our second child and will be due early Summer. My pregnancy diaries will be slightly different to last time. I hardly documented anything on here, and then hit you all hard with my birth story. Whilst I am remaining extremely positive this pregnancy, things are of course a little different this time round. I have a toddler to run around after and now that I’m freelance… no desk to sleep behind.

So what can I report?

Symptoms

The first thing people often ask is ‘how did you know’? Well I’ll be honest, it was a sense. I felt different. I felt pregnant. After several negative tests (here’s a tip guys, don’t test too early) I was still convinced I was pregnant. I had some other symptoms I’ll list below, but generally it was a feeling.

• Sore Breasts (something I did NOT experience when pregnant with Jasper)
• Tenderness around stomach
• C-Section Scar overly sensitive to touch
• Exhaustion
• The hangover feeling for 2 days (If you know, you know)

Overall, the symptoms weren’t too consuming. Just unusual for me. They made me feel like something alien was going on in my body and so I obsessively tested until I saw a faint line begin to dark on the strips. If you’re trying to conceive, and like me, become an over tester… then maybe you can look on amazon for the test strip boxes. They use far less plastic then your standard pharmacy store tests and are a lot cheaper but just as accurate.

Facing some Thoughts

Anyone close to me will know that, although I remained extremely positive about my experience of birth with Jasper, it had left me with some mental hurdles to overcome in any future pregnancies. You see, I lost quite a bit of trust in the support around me in the hospital and struggled to be taken seriously. Everything did work out ok but it had resulted in an emergency caesarean when I’d been a low risk-water birth wisher since day 1. After coming down from the bubble of happiness that we could be blessed with another child I immediately felt a sickening feeling in my stomach that maybe something would go wrong this time. If I hadn’t have been so persistent last time, we could have lost Jasper and honestly… I don’t know how I’d have coped. The first thing I did was message my friend who is a doctor to ask for some reassurance that I’d be given some birth options. I’m not ashamed to say the thought of another caesarean delivery gives me great comfort. I know what to expect, I feel like the professionals had the situation under control once I was in that theatre and although I was put to sleep, this time would be different. My friend gave me some reassurance and asked that I make all concerns known to my midwife. Enter the booking appointment at week 8.

I walked into the room to discover my previous midwife who had cared for me throughout my first pregnancy. Unbeknownst to her, I’d had some ‘trauma’ and she immediately said ‘I’ve just read your notes, what happened love? This wasn’t supposed to happen’. I almost cried. I talked through every element of the story I could remember, bits that I thought I’d erased and bits I couldn’t shake. She was absolutely wonderful. Immediately reassuring me, addressing each concern one at a time and seeking consultant care for me so that history wouldn’t repeat. Just having her listen and understand was the greatest gift she could have given me that day. I left the room feeling lighter and finally feeling I could relax and start to enjoy the pregnancy.

The First Scan

I had my first scan slightly early. My midwife and I had different dates mapped out and whilst I suspected I was slightly earlier than her dates we booked the scan on the dates she recommended and went from there. I was the earlier dates in the end but it didn’t matter. The feeling of emotion that hits you when you see the little heart beating and the overwhelming sense of the responsibility you’re about to take on again is both wonderful and terrifying. As I had quite a bit of scarring the pressure on that area wasn’t very welcome and I was sore for a day or so afterwards… so if you’re a previous c-section and feel this way try not to worry so much.

Overall, I’m excited for this pregnancy. Jasper is at a really good age right now (he even pats my back when I’m being sick), and I feel I’ve really enjoyed these first few years as a parent to him. However, I also feel ready to add another into our tribe and am beyond excited to see him as a big brother.

Violet x

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