Being a mum can be an all-consuming, overwhelming, hilarious, wonderful, magical, testing, adventurous journey. I have moments of sheer joy where I didn’t think I could ever feel so much love for another being, and of course, moments where I shut the toilet door and have a little cry. Being real here, it can be hard. By no means am I asking for sympathy, and by no means would I trade any of these feelings for my life over a year ago. I just feel it’s important to be completely clear in the rollercoaster of emotions going through my head. However, I have had moments, where sometimes, just sometimes I did wonder if the older parts of me that I loved had gone hiding. I’ve made it my mission to ensure that Mum Violet makes room for Violet, she’s an important gal after all.
Up until a few months ago, I’d found the idea of leaving Jasper for a day slightly terrifying. Yet, in the last 3 months I have introduced weekly sleepovers for him and even gone on a press trip abroad without him (eeep!) Oh and without anyone pointing the finger at me, I felt my own guilt for leaving him, but also sheer joy. Joy in being just me for a little moment. I was allowed to miss him and I was allowed to txt a million times a day about him. I was also however, allowed to enjoy sleep, allowed to daydream and switch off. I’m learning.
I’m learning that sometimes it is ok to go out for the day with my friends because I’d like to spend time with some different people. I’m learning that an overnight trip away completely restores my body and allows me to utterly relish at every moment I get to spend as a parent to my son. I accept that sometimes my body aches to be with my son and I don’t want to leave him, so I don’t. It’s fine. When I want to, I will take moments out for myself. I’ll make sure I say yes to more activities with friends and I’ll pick up moments that are for me.