Marriage… what does it mean to you? Has the perception of marriage changed over the past 20 years? I can name on one hand a bunch of married couples the same age as me. When my parents were a young couple, they could name far more than this. I wonder if the age of marriage has changed, is the age of having children (if you choose to do so) has changed. If so, why? Perhaps our generation prioritise career paths, travelling without restrictions and full ‘freedom’ before thinking about settling down. I’m not entirely sure of the answer, but I can tell you my story. Joe proposed to me at the ripe old age of 21, we were married at 23 and had our son Jasper at 24. Quite young for today’s day and age? Well, I have friends ask me why I made this choice and what on earth I’ve learnt from it, so here goes.
Love & Hate
I feel like as it’s the person you love the most in the world, you also know exactly how to hurt them. I think I’ve learnt that I personally take things totally to heart from Joe as he’s the person I expect to be on my side 100% of the time. Fortunately, we have a relationship where we openly discuss and reason with each other about other sides of debates but boy does that guy know exactly which buttons to push (as do I on him!)
It’s not all bad though. I’ve learnt that when the Honeymoon period is over, what follows is so much better. It’s a richer, deeper love. More about caring for each other and ensuring each other’s happiness. About prioritising each others dreams and helping them achieve them.
When you wake on the Wrong side of the Bed…
Get back in and get out again. If I’m having a bad day, Joe can sense it. It’s like his flipping spider senses go nuts. Weirdly, I can sense the same with him upon waking. There are two ways it can go depending on severity. We either avoid each other until we’re out of the slump or we’ll have each other finding the good and positive in the day. Undertaking little tasks for each other that just make things a little better.
Never go to bed on an argument
Okay, confession. My dad actually told us this in his Father of the Bride speech at our wedding reception. The advice is golden. Arguments can pick away at you, leaving it to fester over night has always caused my damage than good for us. We try resolve before any sleep.
Sometimes it’s better to apologise
(Even when you’re not wrong… Sorry Joe!) Genuinely, I couldn’t even count the amount of times I could have resolved an argument within seconds if one of us had just swallowed our pride and said the dreaded word ‘sorry’ to get it over and done with. Turns out it didn’t really matter which way the washing was folded…
When they’re in pain, you feel it
Emotional pain is empathetic. Whenever Joe is upset by something or is going through some tough times, I feel for him more than I would anyone else. It’s a horrible pain and sometimes you can’t help the situation which makes it much worse. I usually just end up in tears for him.
It isn’t for everyone
After being married now for a few years (and I am no expert whatsoever), I can 100% see that marriage isn’t for every person on this planet. Oh and no two marriages are the same.
Violet x
Leave a Reply