Sometimes I feel…

I’ve become hyper aware over the last month or so that I’ve started to suppress some feelings. Others, I can’t avoid or control. When everyone around me seems to have things going on I find it hard to reflect on my own life and prioritise how I’m coping with situations. I’d love to say that makes me a selfless person but it doesn’t really. I like to help people, and I get a good feeling from making others feel supported and safe. I suppose it’s caused me to push my own feelings aside at times and thus… we meet this post. A little space for me to write some words (of which I’m sure most won’t make sense) and let my mind be free for a moment. So here’s Sometimes I feel…

Sometimes I feel as thought it’s not ok for me to not be ok. As the friend/family member who appears to have ‘it together’ I fear that by saying ‘I’m not ok’ at times isn’t welcomed. I feel an immense pressure to be the strong person who can hold it together in most circumstances. Whilst I don’t doubt my own strength, sometimes I need the support too. Thankfully, I have a handful of people who I turn to in complete confidence that they’ll still love me even if what I’m saying is all a little ‘woe is me’ (in my own head).

Sometimes I feel as though my opinions aren’t welcome in a room full of people who are sharing theirs. As though my upbringing or my life experiences make me of less value to the conversation. In business, I find this particularly challenging.

Sometimes I feel taken advantage of. Sometimes I allow it because it’s easier than dealing with the confrontation.

Sometimes I feel strong, powerful and secure.

It has been quite uncomfortable to come to terms with some of these statements. Yet, I feel better for doing so. I feel like I understand myself better. This is no revolutionary post, just something I wanted to post in my little corner of the internet for myself.

Violet x

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p.s. I totally wrote this whilst listening to Yiruma. So if you feel like getting all emotional with me then have a listen.